Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Rainy Days and Tuesdays and Wednesdays.....

WARNING THIS WILL BE A PITY PARTY POST! I KNOW THAT LOTS OF PEOPLE HAVE IT WORSE THAN ME BUT RIGHT NOW I JUST NEED TO VENT! FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS POST IF YOU DON'T LIKE PITY PARTIES!

Will the sun ever shine again in SA? At least it is not as cold as earlier in the week. It is just so dreary, it is hard not to be depressed. K is home with a fever, they called me from school to come get her around 1:00. I am not sure what the problem is, she really seems to be fine, not really complaining about anything. She is just complaining because I won't let her go out in the drizzle and jump rope and also I told her we would not be going to church tonight. That girl takes her church going seriously!

I had my balance test this morning and the crystals in my inner ear are messed up. They have migrated into the balance area of my ears and I have to go thru a series of manipulations by a physical therapist to put them back. Sounds like quackery I know but it is legitimate stuff. I was embarrassed because during the balance test I started to cry, I am just so frustrated with all of this stuff. I am dizzy all the time, it seems and I have all these side effects from the surgery and yet I still am not making progress with the cochlear implant. Dr. wants me to have an x ray to make sure the electrodes are in the right place. He also wants the representative from the company that makes my implant to do a complete diagnositic on the unit and make sure it is working correctly. He wants me to walk every day to improve my balance and then see the physical therapist on the 6th for the manipulation to put my crystals back in the right spot.

It just seems like I am worse off than when I started. I felt like I had to try the implant because there was nothing else that could be done from a hearing aid standpoint but I really did not know that the side effects would be so severe and so emotionally draining. I am trying to be patient and do all the things that they tell me to but it is so frustrating. I really wish I could go back 6 months and just be hearing impaired again. True, I could not hear a lot of things but I could still talk to my mom on the phone and call my husband when I needed him or just to hear him say "I Love You, Babe!"

Sorry for the pity party post. Maybe I have SAD and need to get one of those sun light lamps! Now I will count my blessings: I have a God who loves me and gave his Son for me! I will be with Him in Heaven one day! I have a fantastic husband who has been my friend for about 19 years and my hubby for 15 years (tomorrow!) He is my biggest supporter and encourager. He is always there for me. I have a beautiful healthy little girl who can make me laugh and smile just by being herself. I have a roof over my head (a pretty nice one too!) and plenty to wear and too much to eat. I have friends who love me and will put up with my pity parties! :0) So I am a blessed woman!

3 comments:

TMK said...

I'm so sorry MAK! I know you are frustrated and you have a reason to be. You also have MANY friends who don't mind at all to lend a shoulder to cry on. Just want you to know you are loved. Sorry for your sad day my sweet friend!

MAK said...

Thanks for your encouragement, believe it or not things actually got worst this afternoon but that is another story entirely. I am hanging in there, just barely and by the skin of my teeth but I am hanging!

jettybetty said...

Happy Anniversary! I guess you're not in Hawaii ;-(!

I am praying that even though you experienced LOTS of frustration since your implant--that some time really soon--you will be able to look back and realize how much better you can hear because of it.

Perhaps there will be sun today--in honor of your anniversary!!